"Now, why don't she write?"

Some of you have been asking me when i am going to update my blog. It could take pages to truly explain that. I will give you the short end of it. With a lot on my mind....

I am in love!

Who wouldn't be with a face like this one, smiling at you every day? He is nearly 6 months ( Tuesday, to be exact) and he has stolen my heart. Yes, he is turning 6 months this week and i feel as though half his life is already gone. When you think about it we really do have 2 lives. The life of an infant that ends as they begin to enter toddler hood. And the life of a person (from toddler hood on). This is my new found theory. So, honestly, he is entering the second half of his little baby life. I am so excited...but, not really. I am more sad. Where did the time go? I find myself reminiscing these last few days, of the first days of his life. How he use to eat for an hour or more at a time. So, on Saturdays, I would watch a movie, like "dreamer". He would sleep at the foot of our bed in his cradle and make the loudest noises by snorting and breathing so loudly. I would watch him lay on his back at play time and he would always kick just one leg (his left), over and over again very rapidly. He is as much serious as he is humored.

It is funny that you don't get a do over. Why not? I didn't know what i was doing? I didn't know how fast it would all go. I was stuck in the whirlwind of it all, feeling how hard the transition was more than the bliss of his precious little existence. Now, i realize how normal it is for him to cry and be uncomfortable. I could do this whole thing over again and sit back and enjoy the transition. I was too worried and stressed that i was not handling his transition perfectly. I just needed to be more laid back and now that i know him better, understand his personality and body language better, i would be able to just take it all in and relax.

So, that is where i have been. Just trying to take it all and save it all up for ME! It is an effort in vain. Although, we purchase cameras, video cameras, and other gadgets of the like, so that we can store it all up. It almost seems in vain. Like God knew, and he has made it so that we can't. No matter how technologically advanced we become, our inner chips get wiped clean as we move on to be rewired for the next season in our lives. yes, we remember. But, even though we were there, we could taste and smell and feel and see. We can never really be "there" again.

My grandmother past away years ago. I find myself thinking of her like everyday now, since Ethan was born. How she would have loved and adored this time in our lives. Hmmm, the sweetness...I was able to be there with her over many years, and it is stapled in my mind forever. Yet, every year it gets further and further away. I can't really go "there" any more. Just like this moment this place and this time will be a place i can never go to ever again! Treasure it; I do. Remember it; I hope to. Live it again; I will always want to.