
I have been going through so many different emotions as we near Ethan's one year birthday. I am happy, I am sad, I am regretful, disappointed, jealous of others, excited, festive, depressed, getting baby fever and truly exhausted!
I look at him and still have the same feelings I did when we brought him home. Could he really belong to us? How could he be so wonderful, so cute, and how could all these wonderful things about him pass me by so quickly?
I just feel like I let the special things in each month pass me by without really getting to notice them, enjoy them and soak them up before a new thing would happen. I really don't want to forget any of it, AT ALL! He is such a treasure and he brings me so much joy. Sometimes I just wish the demands of life would stop. Other people would seize to exist and he could have all my attention. Truth is, that even when he does, I am distracted in some way.
so, I will soak him up now and remember all his sweetness, his cuteness and the joy he brings me!
Fun things he doesEthan has always had this really unusual laugh that no one else has heard before. It sorta sounds like some one making a long AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa sound and tapping their voice box at the same time. He will make this laugh while playing, in his car seat, on the changing table, while eating or whenever. He does it to show his pleasure in something. He has a totally different and very adorable laugh for when he is completely lost in it and giggling histarically.
I Remember how sweet it was when he would wake up early in the mornings and i would nurse him in bed and I could feel his body begin to give into sleep again and be heavy in my arms.
He also use to lay on the changing table (before he learned to crawl) and just laugh and play. He loved his changing table! That was when he came alive the most!
When he was first learning "peek a boo" he would crawl right up to me and bow his head quietly for a moment and then lift his head quickly with laughter and bright eyes. That was his way of saying, "peek a boo". SOOOOOO, cute.
One of my favorite memories was when all three of us were laying in bed on a Saturday morning. It was way too early for us all to be up and Jon David and I were trying to rest while keeping one eye open to watch Ethan. Suddenly i heard what sounded like clapping. I focused in and sure enough Ethan was just sitting there, clapping away. It was his first clap and it was as if to say, "come on you guys, let's play!" He loves to clap.
He claps for many things through out the day. He even claps while he is getting to sleep and when he is asleep. He claps a lot, come to think of it!
I miss how he would crinkle up his nose and pucker his lips a little opened and breath out his nose really hard.Just to be cute.
I love the today's too though!How he loves to drum and shake,shake, shake. He bops his body left to right and waves his arms in a dance. He is so beautiful!
Every time we say, "praise Jesus" he raises his hands high above his head and waits for us to follow. It is a little game that started awhile back. He had the whole room imitating him and he just
LOVED IT!
I love how I can hear him when he is excited making his way down the hall and into the kitchen, with such a thunderous crawl. I often have to look just to make sure it isn't someone else with him...he's just one baby and he sounds like an army!

I love how he says mama.
I love days like today, where he just seems so happy to be alive, playing by himself and talking with that sweet "AAAaaaaaaaaaa", voice. He spent his whole lunch time with me going thru different hand motions he has learned ( i didn't even know he knew how to do, by the way). He waved with both hands, at himself and then just one at me. Hee, hee! For the first time ever, he blew kisses at me and he instigated it! He clapped, waved, blew kisses and praised Jesus. It was the best lunch i can remember!
Oh, Ti's sweet to have a little one that the Lord has entrusted you with, that belongs to you, looks like you (well, one of you , anyways) and is all his own person. I love him! I treasure him. I am happy for this day! I am grateful for such an honored gift from the father. I just want to wrap him all up in my love even though he won't let me and keep him and all his cuteness with me, always.
Well, this helped! Really, it did. Just to get it out there, ya know? I feel so much better and ready to recieve the day that we celebrate his birth! His Birth! Wow, I really have come full circle. I can now say that the day of his birth holds more than just pain! I will have to share some day soon, maybe this week, how God has changed the pain and ashes to beauty!
I think i will sing off now. This has to be the longest blog yet.